A question that I have to field lately by my co-workers when we get into social conversation is “where did you meet your wife?” or “how did you meet your wife?” While trying to be truthful but also present it in a positive light, I stumble through my words and give an answer. It’s not a surprise to see the shock and awe when they hear for someone grown up and living in the West, that it was an arranged marriage. Whether it be innocent non-desis (South Asians) or our grown/growing children they can’t believe that we (my wife and I), by God’s infinite mercy are happily married since almost the stone age, we’re madly in love and continue to explore and grow in our love and yet our lives started as two total strangers.

Photo by Azlan DuPree available under Creative Commons Attribution License.

Even in the present, Perfectly Arranged Marriages have a place in society. Note, I am not talking about “Forced marriages” or examples of arranged marriages gone horribly wrong. It’s unfair to take outliers and use them to demonize a norm of society. After all arranged marriages were the norm in pretty much all Western and Eastern societies until the Renaissance in the West changed to a “market model” associated with love. As a disclaimer, I will be the first to say that arranged marriages of the past do NOT have a place for children of immigrants where this was the cultural norm.

Below are,10 Reasons to have a Perfectly Arranged Marriage:

  1. Your parents pay for the wedding (usually but not always).
  2. You have a whole lifetime of discovering each other.
  3. With parents as filters your social and family compatibility is almost guaranteed.
  4. There are no matchmaker fees as the Aunties just love to make introductions.
  5. You hopefully only emotionally invest in one person, so so there is no dating game and heartbreaks.
  6. You will be the happiest couple when you agree to share your parents guidance over only your decision.
  7. Stress Free Parental Introduction. Yes that’s right, you don’t need to worry what the parents are going to think about your choice because well, they have the inside scoop.
  8. The honeymoon lasts about 2 years instead of a week, as you are two total strangers getting to know each other.
  9. Free childcare. When your parents are bought-in to the idea of your marriage and now that you’re married and you both want to go on vacation or to the movies what better way for your child to bond than with their grandparents.
  10. Less chance of being accidentally left out of your parents will and living trust if you get their buy-in before the wedding.
  11. Bonus. There are no blind dates, as Mom, Pops, Auty Ji, and the whole extended family is with you on the date.
  12. Bonus+Bonus. You will have a Hollywood or Bollywood Happily ever ending, you just now have to fill in your love story, and work hard on it, be patient,committed and pray, that’s all.

 

References

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10880548/Why-I-want-an-arranged-marriage.html

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/q-and-a/a33627/what-its-really-like-to-have-an-arranged-marriage/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/aug/27/my-arranged-marriage-thrived-after-my-marriage-for-love-died

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-behind-behavior/201511/why-are-so-many-indian-arranged-marriages-successful

http://www.vogue.com/article/arranged-marriage-that-ended-happily-ever-after-30-years-later

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ArrangedMarriage

http://www.therevival.co.uk/forced-arranged-love-secret-marriages

http://muslimmatters.org/2011/12/22/arranged-marriage-is-not-forced-marriage/

http://themuslimgirl.com/the-problem-with-arranged-marriage/

 

 

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