Continued. Notes based on a workshop by Shaikh AbdulRahman Murphy.

Photo by Tela Chhe 1 available under a Creative Common Attribution-license

Photo by Tela Chhe 1 available under a Creative Common Attribution-license

  1. There are 4 types of maturity: Financial, Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional. For most people they are lacking 2 of the 4.
  2. Emotional maturity is very important. How will you deal with situation if you lose job, wife can’t get pregnant, how you handle in-laws, etc. Ask yourself “Am I emotionally mature to live with someone who has different likes/dislikes?”
  3. You don’t have the right to judge without having communicated.
  4. Married life is about Mawada and Rahma (Mercy).
  5. If there is physical or verbal abuse, see a counselor.
  6. In a Muslim home there needs to be an attitude of gratitude. Think what your spouse and kids are doing, not what they are not doing. Kids thank parents. Parents thank kids.
  7. Romance between spouses is religious. The Prophet (SAW) said in a Hadith when asked who he loved most, it was Aisha (RA). When asked from men, then, “her father” reference still being her. He (SAW) had a nickname for her “Aish.” Find out what your spouse’s likes and dislikes are. Flowers and chocolates may work, but may not.
  8. Compromise is the mortar of marriage. It holds the bricks together and makes it strong. Prophet (SAW) gave in to his wives on small wishes, but never sacrificed on principles.
  9. Number one cause of divorce in the US is money. This is why Financial maturity is important.
  10. Part of the rizk (sustenance) you have been given is your health. That is physical, mental, and spiritual. You can’t neglect any of them.
  11. When you get angry, follow the Hadith, “The strong one is who controls himself in anger.” This requires self-control and discipline.  Make wudu as water cools the fire that rages from anger.
  12.  Put Allah back in the equation. When we look at a relationship we only think of 2 people.  Don’t treat people the way they are meant to be treated. Ask yourself how are my prayers? Those who pray together, stay together.
  13. Make dua like you mean it.

Other things a husband can do to do to keep the spark of love alive from Sh. Faraz Ibn Adam:

  • Know their feelings
  • Console wife [in times of difficulty]
  • Comb the spouse’s hair
  • Drink and Eat from one place
  • Kiss
  • Lay in spouse’s lap
  • Assist her in housework
  • Share happy occasions with her
  • Race with wife [exercise]
  • Call her by a beautiful name
  • Dress for your spouse
  • Use perfume
  • Love and respect their families
  • Compliment your in-laws in front of your wife. Compliment your wife to her family.
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