Just last Friday at the Jumah sermon the Khatib spoke about the importance of spirituality. He spoke about the importance of connecting with God. The fact that we have to all do a baseline minimum of praying, fasting, charity etc. He said beyond the baseline we all excel in different areas, for some fasting may be easy, for others giving charity is easy, and whatever you are gifted with to do more of that. Then he moved on to speaking about the importance of the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It is a very popular book and the principles are Prophetic (ie practiced and modeled by Prophets). It breaks down all communication into these five principles in that every individual has a primary and secondary love language. Once we understand what that channel is for our spouse we can connect with them more easily. So here they are:
Words of Affirmation
Positive reaffirming words work way better than negative criticism, sarcasm ec. Saying “I love you” or another genuine compliment is an affirmation of your relationship.
This is giving people your presence and not being distracted with your smartphone or whatever else you are trying to multi-task. Everyone likes to be heard so give your loved one that honor.
Giving gifts is a part of most cultures including Muslims. Gifts do not have to be purchased and physical, any thoughtful meaningful gift counts.
Acts of Service
Any small (or large) act you do for your spouse either on an ongoing basis or as a surprise is weighty for your relationship. It follows the adage of “actions speak louder than words”. The key thing here is that just like with gifts it is done unconditionally.
Since the time we are infants to reaching old age, humans cherish touch and being caressed. Anything from holding hands, to kissing, to an arm around the shoulder to giving a hug, or to a massage are priceless.
The author Dr. Chapman shares that love languages are not limited to romantic relationships it can be with family, friends etc. but as with any relationship it needs to be done with discretion, especially with the opposite gender.
We tried to figure an easy way to remember the 5 Love Languages, our best effort so far is the acronym GiTTSoW (forget the vowels) Gifts-Time-Touch-Service-Words