Although Perfect Muslim Wedding is a site that encourages marriage, we also want to educate our readers about some of the red flags about people you might get hitched to and live to regret. We will start with a disclaimer that human beings are, well, exactly that. No seven, ten or twenty attributes will define a person and it is almost impossible to know the real, you, or them.  To use the proverbial onion example, all we can do over time and really over a lifetime is peel away the layers that reveal  not only the person you will be married to, but also discover the real you.  How can you tell, if your prospect spouse fits one of these profiles? Observe, ask and of course, pray.

Photo by wazimu available under a Creative Commons Attribution-license

Photo by wazimu available under a Creative Commons Attribution-license

  1. Mama’s boy or girl: Pretty self explanatory. Are they the “chosen” one in the family? The one whose all eyes are on, the one that is “picture perfect.” How have they dealt with set-backs?
  2. The Narcissist: Sadly the world in which we live promotes the “me”, “I” phenomenon. A person’s conversations can be very revealing. Who do they credit for their success? Is it God? What about family, or a school teacher or a mentor?
  3. Control freak: Being orderly is a good thing, but as with any quality if taken to an extreme it can become a weakness. How much do they allow you or those around them to be themselves without interjecting their opinions? How much do they ask others about what they want or how they feel?
  4. Chameleons: Like their animal counterparts, and sadly yes, politicians. They act as totally different people depending on who they are meeting. Although we all have some variance about how we behave and interact in different situations, our authentic self should always shine through and not be masked by what is convenient. Are they very agreeable in one situation and totally inflexible in another? Are they very smooth with some and roughshod with others?
  5. Mister or Miss Universe: It is a given that we all are attracted to physical beauty. However, if the primary quality that one is raised with and reflected, is how they look, it leads to a one-dimensional person. Having a chiseled six-pack body is nice, but we do not live in the hunter-gatherer times of the past.  Even if you are able to attract the most beautiful person on the planet, how long will you be able to stare at them before the rest of their personality shines through? Ditch Aphrodite and consider the girl or guy next door.
  6. Know it All: Given that we live in an information world it doesn’t take much to ask “Sheikh Google” about any question or concern in your life. If a person isn’t okay in saying “I don’t know,” or has to win every argument, or cannot acknowledge they were wrong with ‘I am sorry” these again are all red flags.
  7. Stingy Scoundrel: In giving and receiving it is nice to have balance. However, there are some people who make Scrooge look stingy. See how your prospect handles themselves say at a restaurant when they tip, or what they should gift to someone, or find out what they are most attached to. If money becomes a dominant theme, run for the forest. “What’s in it for me?” is a poor model to run a life and family on.

There are many other things to consider before deciding he or she is the one”. We would love to hear your thoughts on who not to marry, and just as well how to find out the true nature of people.

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