10 Best Pieces of Marriage Advice for Muslim Newlyweds

You’re probably going to receive all sorts of tips and advice as you embark on this wonderful journey called marriage. It’ll be hard to decipher between the good advice and the not-so-good advice. So with that being said, we’ve compiled a list of 10 best pieces of advice for newlyweds.

Here they are:

newlyweds

  1. Always, always treat each other with respect. No matter what.
  2. Watch your finances and learn to have healthy conversations about money.
  3. Delay starting a family until it’s right. You will feel the pressure of this as soon as you get married, but as long as you have a plan you agree on between the two of you, you’re fine.
  4. Learn how to give a massage. This is a great non-verbal way to show appreciation to your spouse.
  5. Be close, but give each other space. It’s important to know when to give each other space, but it’s also important to ask your spouse for this in a positive manner.
  6. Pay attention to the small things, they add up. As newlyweds, it’s going to take some time to adjust so pay attention.
  7. Maintain boundaries with family and friends. Again as newlyweds, this will be difficult at first, but everything will fall into place as long as you establish those boundaries early on.
  8. In-laws are not out-laws, but you must deal with them with sensitivity and respect.
  9. Don’t worry or get stressed out about sex. You and your spouse will find what works for the both of you. Communication is key!
  10. Never go to bed angry.

These pieces of advice will ensure both you and your spouse feel respected and comfortable. It’s all about balance and really understanding each other’s boundaries, and respecting them. It’s also important to put your trust in God at all times, that is probably the ultimate piece of advice we can give you.

23 Questions to Ask Your Spouse and Build Intimacy

Intimacy is a key part of a healthy marriage. In any relationship including marriage it is easy to fall into routines. For example, for most couples at the end of the day the conversation goes something like, “Hi honey, how was your day?” Answer, “Okay.” Even though each day in our lives may be ordinary, boring, or very similar, we have to find interesting aspects to it. It doesn’t come easily, so it requires a conscious effort to explore our selves and our spouses. Here are 23 interesting questions you can ask each other to build intimacy, whether you go for a walk, or are cooking in the kitchen, or working in the garden, or you are on vacation.

intimacy
Photo by Erin Kelly available under a Creative Commons Attribution-license.

The Questions

  1. What three words would you use to describe us as a couple?
  2. How do you or would you describe me to other people? How do you think I should describe you to other people?
  3. What are three of your best memories with your family? What made those memories really stand out to you?
  4. If we as a couple had a theme song, what would it be?
  5. Which of your parents do you think you’re most like and why?
  6. Who is someone that inspires you?
  7. What achievement in my life would brings you great joy?
  8. If you could have one super power, what would it be?
  9. What is one of your dreams that I can help you achieve?
  10. What do you consider your biggest failure? What did you learn from that failure?
  11. Over the last five years, how do you think you have changed?
  12. What is one thing I can do to show you how much I love you?
  13. What is your best memory of our early/middle/late years?
  14. Where do you feel most at peace and ease in the world?
  15. If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
  16. Describe to me your ideal day?
  17. What is your guilty pleasure?
  18. What thoughts go through your mind when you see a beautiful woman (if you’re a man) or a handsome man (if you’re a woman)
  19. I want to be a good lover, and I want to be there for you. What can I do for you to be that woman or man?
  20. If you could have a dinner party with anyone in the world as a guest, who would those guests be?
  21. How often would you like to go out on a date night?
  22. What would you like me to do to make our marriage more interesting and exciting?
  23. What is something you would like us to do to invest in our marriage this year?

There you have it, 23 excellent questions to ask your spouse to build intimacy and keep intimacy in your marriage.

5 Love Languages and Islam

You may be wondering, what love languages are. We’ll get into that. Just last Friday at the Jummah sermon the khatib spoke about the importance of spirituality. He spoke about the importance of connecting with God. The fact that we have to all do a baseline minimum of praying, fasting, charity, etc. He said beyond the baseline we all excel in different areas, for some fasting may be easy, for others giving charity is easy.

Then he moved on to speaking about the importance of the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It is a very popular book and the principles are Prophetic (practiced and modeled by Prophets). It breaks down all communication into these five principles in that every individual has a primary and secondary love language. Once we understand what that channel is for our spouse we can connect with them more easily. So here they are:

love languages
Words of Affirmation

Positive reaffirming words work way better than negative criticism, sarcasm etc. Saying “I love you” or another genuine compliment is an affirmation of your relationship.

Quality Time

This is giving people your presence and not being distracted with your smartphone or whatever else you are trying to multi-task. Everyone likes to be heard so give your loved one that honor.

Receiving Gifts

Giving gifts is a part of most cultures including Muslims. Gifts do not have to be purchased and physical, any thoughtful meaningful gift counts.

Acts of Service

Any small (or large) act you do for your spouse either on an ongoing basis or as a surprise is weighty for your relationship. It follows the adage of “actions speak louder than words”. The key thing here is that just like with gifts it is done unconditionally.

Physical Touch

Since the time we are infants to reaching old age, humans cherish touch and being caressed. Anything from holding hands, to kissing, to an arm around the shoulder to giving a hug, or to a massage are priceless.

The author Dr. Chapman shares that love languages are not limited to romantic relationships it can be with family, friends etc. but as with any relationship it needs to be done with discretion, especially with the opposite gender.

We tried to figure an easy way to remember the 5 Love Languages, our best effort so far is the acronym GiTTSoW (forget the vowels) Gifts-Time-Touch-Service-Words

10 Secrets to Cut Wedding Costs Without Looking Cheap

It’s definitely possible to cut wedding costs. The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is $35,329 according to The Knot, and that, by the way, does not include the honeymoon. Of course, this is an average and if you live in small town USA, your cost will probably be a lot less, and if you are in Manhattan or Silicon Valley it will be even more. Needless to say, unless you are part of the one percent, this is a lot of money.

No one wants a cheap wedding, but you can still make wise decisions for a quality wedding. Here are ten secrets to cut wedding costs without looking cheap.

cut wedding costs

The Secrets
  1. Cut down number of guests.
  2. Winter and Spring over Summer and Fall.
  3. Any day but Saturday.
  4. Online invites, skip the custom-printed invitations over fancy invites.
  5. Skip favors.
  6. Forget gold and diamonds and go for sterling silver or cubic zirconia or man made diamonds or semiprecious stones.
  7. Wedding cake. Forget 7-tier get a sheet cake or a 2 tier non-wedding cake.
  8. Crowdsource photos.
  9. Hair and makeup from a cosmetic student.
  10. Watch out for hidden fees at venues including service, taxes, clean-up etc.

There are many variables that go into a wedding, so there is no single number that can represent what you will pay. Below is an example of how to turn a $36,000 wedding budget into a $3,600+ budget.

Low-Cost Wedding Budget:

Reception: $500 (Friday evening or Saturday lunch or consider a park or wealthy friends backyard)
Décor: $100
Flowers: $100
Catering: $2000 ($20 per head can get you 100 guests)
Cake: $150 (Go to a bakery but don’t tell them its for a wedding, get 2-3 tier cake)
Photographer: Free (Find a friend, student, favor)
Videographer: Free
Favors: Free/$100 (pass on them and make a donation instead to a charity)
DJ/Music: Free (make up your own playlist)
Invitations: Free (use evite)
Wedding Dress: $500
Thank-You Cards: $10 (Dollar Store)
Imam Fees: $200
Marriage License: $35
Total Expenses: $3,695

There is a direct correlation between expensive weddings and the likelihood of divorce, according to a study by two Emory University economics professors. Same applies to correlation between expensive engagement rings and divorce rates. It is the example of  Prophet Muhammad (SAW) to have simple weddings and ones where the poor are also invited. Be smart, not stingy focus on quality over quantity and make it personal over mass. You can save money for things that will be of value in your relationship over the long run. Please share your thoughts of how you cut wedding costs.

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