44 Things You Should Know Before the Wedding Night

So you’re getting married. Congratulations! You probably have given some thought to the wedding night. You may have heard stories from friends, but you still have tons of questions and you may or may not feel too comfortable asking for advice. We definitely understand your struggle. So we decided to put together some things you can expect and some things you should probably know before the wedding night. This may be a great thing to share with your fiancé as well, so you’ll be on the same page. We tried to include answers to those really tough questions as well. So go ahead, get reading!

wedding night
Photo by Azlan Dupree Available under the Creative Commons Attribution License

Expectations:

1. Expect you and your partner to be self-conscious. It’s ok. It’s okay to have the jitters. You will both be a little (or a lot nervous). If you let go of expectations, all the better.
2. You’re not a pro nor do you have to pretend to be. Unless you’ve been married before, this will be both your first time so if it feels awkward, clumsy or just clueless, not to worry. Like most things in life, practice makes perfect.
3. There is no single way to have or experience sex. What’s right is what works for both of you.
4. Repeat: “You don’t know everything.” The wedding and honeymoon is not the end, it is the start of your life.
5. Forget the picture-perfect wedding night and opt for being the best version of yourself.
6. Don’t expect to have sex multiple times a day and daily. Keep it balanced.

Communication:

7. Communicate expectations and concerns. Forget the fantasies. Sex isn’t like in the movies. Real sex, although enjoyable, is well…realistic. Talk, play, and joke around. The more relaxed you are, the better.
8. Share the mental scripts that are going on in your head. The more you trust and the more you share your vulnerabilities the more intimacy you will build. This does not mean you have to confess your whole past life.
9. Recount the day. Laugh at the funny things that happened.

Comfort & Relaxation:

10. Keep your next day free. Any time you have a time pressure you are not going to enjoy it.
11. Share your anticipation, your passion. Small gestures count a lot.
12. If you’re tired or just too anxious it is okay not to have sex on your wedding night.
13. Confidence will come through practice, attitude, and how you prepare including your dress. Make it as sexy or romantic as you are comfortable with.
14. Remember you have the freedom not to have sex on your wedding night. If you waited so long one more night won’t make a difference.
15. Inner fears run from “will it hurt?” to “will I perform?” to “will he or she find me attractive?” These are not easy to answer, but if you lower the bar of expectations and communicate, that will ease the way. Think about it, billions of people have been getting married and having sex over centuries. You, too, will figure it out.
16. Embrace the excitement. Give love, get love.
17. Take deep breaths. It is one of the keys to relaxation.
18. Both of you can undress in different spaces, what ever makes the two of you feel comfortable.
19. Handle the awkward moments with grace. You can make fun of yourself (but not your spouse).
20. If you can, spend the first night at home before you head to the honeymoon.

Accessories & Ambiance:

21. Give a surprise gift. Make the night memorable. It could be flowers, a poem you wrote, chocolates, the list goes on.
22. Use accessories like lingerie that work for both of you. Keep it sexy and classy.
23. Don’t use the Kama Sutra or other guides to set your expectations. Keep it simple and don’t try anything you’re not comfortable with yet.
24. Prepare the room. Use candles, flowers, incense and other decorations to create an ambiance that makes the two of you feel comfortable.
25. If you have a choice firmer beds are better for sex (and the back) than softer ones.
26. Change the lighting. Soft low lighting is better than a lit up room.

Diet/Hygiene:

27. Avoid eating at least 3-4 hours before having sex. Also avoid foods with strong odors as well as hard-to-digest foods.
28. Urinate and relieve yourself before (and after). Don’t let wanting to go to the bathroom and emptying your bladder get in the way of sex.
29. Take a shower before and after sex.
30. Keep a towel nearby.

Foreplay:

31. Start with kisses and sweet words before you get to the next level.
32. A man’s arousal happens quickly, but to be fair to your wife, you need to allow her time to warm up.
33. You may enjoy it. It is like learning to first ride a bike. You will have a few stumbles, but once you get the hang of it – you’ll enjoy it. Enjoy the foreplay as much as you can. The actual act may only take a few seconds.

The Main Act:

34. For the honeymoon and first night it is best if both bride and groom bring along, over-the-counter contraceptives like condoms (you can get variety packs eg from Durex).  These do not have to be used, of course, but it’s better to have them, until you have time to discuss when you want to start a family.
35. Treat sex as a journey of exploration rather than just a mechanical action.
36. Natural and external lubrication is important. Be patient and give the bride some time before penetration.
37. Forget about orgasms. Just focus on enjoying each other.
38. For men, premature ejaculation, the first few times may happen. With patience and practice it shouldn’t happen as often.
39. For women, the hymen may or may not bleed during intercourse. Bleeding is not a sign of virginity. Gentleness, patience and a loving attitude are key to helping reduce pain.
40.It may or may not hurt. As with any muscles you have not used before, you may be sore afterwards. Be gentle, sex is not a sprint. It is a mutual exercise.
41. After sex, don’t go to sleep right away, but make the after-glow last. Feed your spouse’s ego by telling them how great it was and how they look.

Learn & Grow:

42. In the morning you can ask for feedback. What worked, what could be better, how they feel, how was it different than expectations, etc.
43. Make small adjustments along your journey of discovery.
44. Learn to explore each other’s bodies. There is always room to change it up.

We hope you found these tips about the wedding night helpful. If you have any additional comments feel free to email us, or leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts!

Oh and don’t forget to turn off your cell phone.

2015 at Perfect Muslim Wedding

Perfect Muslim Wedding had an awesome 2015. From the birth of our wedding blog in 2013 until now, we have really come a long way. We hope to continue to provide tips, advice, and inspiration to help you plan one of the best days of your life. This year, we had our very first Muslim Bridal Expo which really brings our inspiration to you to life. Here are a few select accomplishments including the Muslim Bridal Expo.

2015
2015

Thank you for your participation and support in 2015.

Here in pictures are a few of our accomplishments at Perfect Muslim Wedding.

  1. Quality content and real weddings published on our blog and social media ( with over 100,000 impressions per month). Check out our videos too.
  2. Quarterly eZines and our totally revamped PMW Planning Guide
  3. Our first ever Muslim Bridal Expo with over 300 attendees and a 3 full page color coverage by the SF Chronicle.
2015
Thank you to all our supporters, sponsors and vendors. Thank you also to our teams that make it all happen behind the scenes including:

  1. Blog team (Marwa Diaf, Editor)
  2. Event team (Irfan Rydhan, Farah Ghatala, Zareena Anwar, Kisae Husain, Manizeh Raza)
  3. Advisers (Dustin Haisler, Becky Roth, Razi Mohiuddin, Shiraz Asif) and IT Guru (Ahmed Khatib)

#1 and #2 in Photo collage on top.

2015 was a great success and we hope next year is even better. We really believe it’s important to have a wedding resource for Muslims. It can be quite challenging when you’re planning your wedding alone when you’re trying to find things like halal meat, and all female staff. If you have any suggestions at all for future posts, events or giveaways please do not hesitate to send us an e-mail. We want to make this an enjoyable blog for everyone.

We appreciate each and every one of you for your support. A single click on any of our posts mean the world to us. Thank you!

Real Wedding: Esau and Aleisha

Esau and Aleisha met in high school and were married on June 30, 2012. The couple got engaged in December 2011, and planned their wedding in 7 months.

“In terms of planning I would say I started with the hall first, reason being is that we had such a short time frame and our wedding was July 4th weekend which made finding a location impossible,” Aleisha said.

real wedding

Luckily, the couple found their hall in February 2012, which left them plenty of time to work out the many other details. They decided to go with The Royal Indian Palace in Richmond Hill Queens, New York.

“They did the catering for the food and decor, of course, we had to throw in extra for that,” Aleisha said.

Although the couple stated they didn’t have a set theme, their colors were red and hot pink.

real wedding

“My florist was Dennis Rigas Floral Creations which gave me an amazing price on my flowers,” said Aleisha. “Definitely would recommend them to anyone that’s getting married.”

The couple hired Raqeebah Zaman as their photographer, and later hired her again for their first anniversary photo shoot.

“Our photographer was Raqeebah Zaman, I absolutely love her,” said Aleisha. “She did an amazing job on our pictures . . . she’s worth every dollar.”

real wedding

The couple originally wanted a very small wedding, but because it was first wedding for the bride’s family and the last for the groom’s family it became a much bigger event. When asked what the best part of their wedding was they responded: the nikkah.

“I guess I can say that the best part of our wedding would be the nikkah. After 7 exhausting months of stressing and planning it all came down to 5 minutes of saying “I do” 3 times.”

real wedding

Advice from the couple:
“For any young couple that’s getting married my best advice is that marriage is a growing experience. Today, tomorrow, and the many years to come will be and is a learning experience. You’re getting adjusted to living with your spouse, learning the way he or she likes to do things and vice versa too. Never get annoyed with your spouse because things can quickly get escalated one might say something that they would regret. At the end of the day you just need to remember that you are with the person you love and the person that Allah (swt) wants you to be with. Always be patient and loving to your spouse. And the best for last: Go with your heart. No one knows your situation other than you and your spouse and what ever advice you get from others just take a minute and think it through, and then make a choice on what YOU feel is right in your heart and what will work for your marriage.”

Photos Courtesy Of: Esau and Aleisha. Taken by Raqeebah Zaman.

13 Worst Pieces of Advice About Muslim Weddings

Let’s face it there is no shortage of advice you will get from well-meaning family and friends about your wedding, relationships, and marriage overall. Here are 13 worst pieces of advice about Muslim weddings.

advice
Photo by Tanmoy Photography
  1. We can save money having a potluck in our parents home.  Keeping things simple and within your budget is good. Being cheap and taking shortcuts is not. Most Muslim weddings have a large number of guests and factoring in the mehndi, nikah, reception, and valima, makes it challenging to integrate all of these into one low-budget affair. Don’t get us wrong, we are not advocating for glitzy wedding processions. “The logistics of a wedding exponentially rise with its size and duration.”
  2. Include everyone in the wedding planning. Although you want to make your wedding inclusive, you will have to draw some boundaries. Getting input from people you respect is good, but trying to please everyone is a recipe for disaster.
  3. It’s not a real engagement without a diamond ring. Says who, De Beers?

  4. It’s the most important day of your life. Correction, it is an important day in your life. Everything may not go perfectly, but remember it is one day out of your lifetime, so keep things in perspective.

  5. Everyone has a camera, you don’t need a photographer. It is true, the world has gone digital and there will be plenty of smartphones at your wedding. However, the best photography and ones that you will look back on require a touch of professionalism. A good photographer knows how to capture the mood, compose the photo, plus their camera and lighting cannot be compensated for even with the best Photoshop touch-ups.

  6. What will the neighbors (or relatives think)? Weddings and marriage are about compromise. Rarely an either-or thing. You should neither be driven in all your decisions by what others will think, nor just go with everything that you want or don’t want. It is a delicate balance and only you and your family can best figure that out.

  7. Your reception and caterer should allow for all your invited guests and more. Muslims traditionally are very generous, and it is good to have a little extra food. However living here in the West, where the per person charge for a wedding can easily go from $30-$90+, those numbers start to add up. It becomes doubly painful when 15-20% of them do not show up.

  8. It is all about you. Sorry, it’s all about your guests and family. You are the means and the wedding is the end.

  9. You must wear a white (or red or green) wedding dress.  In most cultures there is a norm for the color of a wedding dress. In Muslim cultures South Asian used to be red, Afghan were green, Turkish, Arab, and Persian were white, and African were multi-colored. Whatever you, your family and spouse can agree upon is good.

  10. You should leave for your honeymoon right after the wedding. Yes, we know you and your spouse want to get away from all the hustle and bustle of the wedding, but giving yourself a little margin to regroup, take care of important post-wedding activities will God-willing lead to a more stress-free honeymoon.

  11. It’s okay, we can pay for it with plastic. Unless you’re planning to pay the balance off at the end of the month, going into debt for your wedding isn’t the best start to it. Check out our budget worksheets and guidelines in the Perfect Muslim Wedding Planner.
  12. Know your rights and responsibilities. You could say this applies to any relationship. As important as it is, we tend to focus more on our rights and less on the responsibilities we owe. Although it is important to know our boundaries, too much focus on the letter of the law and not it’s spirit is a bad thing. There is a lot of give and take in marriage. It is not a 50:50 or tit for tat exchange of transactions.
  13. Don’t worry about the weight, you can crash-diet. Trying to lose a lot of weight just before the wedding is not healthy. You will be low in energy and don’t want to look gaunt. A long term outlook is better all the way around.

 

 

How to Assign Tasks to Members of Your Wedding Party

Your big day is coming up and you’re feeling all kinds of stress, right? I know because I’ve been there. Don’t worry though everything will come together according to Allah’s (swt) plan. Here’s a little tip: divide up the tasks! This will help everyone remain calm and stress-free. The best way you can do this is by assigning tasks to your family members, and any friends who have offered their help. Play on their strengths, assign tasks to people you know can handle it.

Perfect Muslim Wedding and Oxygen Photo Solutions 46

Vendor-Communicator: You need someone who knows and understands your vision. Someone who is assertive yet polite and knows how to handle any issues that come up. They will be the go-to person for every vendor, most importantly the caterer (because…food).

The Scheduler: You need someone who lives off of spreadsheets and to-do lists. They will be able to create a schedule and let everyone know where they need to be and what they should be doing.

Guest Guide: You need a social butterfly for this one. Someone to greet guests as they arrive. Where they need to be seated (whether it’s assigned or not) and where they can place their gifts. This person would also be great if you’re having a buffet at your wedding. They will be able to call the tables up one by one, or the best way you see fit. This person can also handle any announcements that need to be made. For example, prayer time and facilitating speeches.

The Photographer’s Shadow: This person will know exactly the type of photos you want to get and will make sure the photographer doesn’t forget. You need a person just for this job because those pictures are the everlasting memories of your special day.

The Bride’s Right Hand: This person will be at the bride’s side (figuratively of course). This person will be close enough that the bride will be able to ask questions, reminders, make-up check, so on and so forth. This is a must. Although, every person in the wedding party will be there for the bride no matter what. You still want to have that designated person just in case.

We would love to hear from our newlyweds. Did we miss anyone that you think is a must-have? Comment below!

Marwa Diaf
Editor

Featured image courtesy of Oxygen Photo Solutions.

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