So you’re getting married. Congratulations! You probably have given some thought to the wedding night. You may have heard stories from friends, but you still have tons of questions and you may or may not feel too comfortable asking for advice. We definitely understand your struggle. So we decided to put together some things you can expect and some things you should probably know before the wedding night. This may be a great thing to share with your fiancé as well, so you’ll be on the same page. We tried to include answers to those really tough questions as well. So go ahead, get reading!

wedding night

Photo by Azlan Dupree Available under the Creative Commons Attribution License

Expectations:

1. Expect you and your partner to be self-conscious. It’s ok. It’s okay to have the jitters. You will both be a little (or a lot nervous). If you let go of expectations, all the better.
2. You’re not a pro nor do you have to pretend to be. Unless you’ve been married before, this will be both your first time so if it feels awkward, clumsy or just clueless, not to worry. Like most things in life, practice makes perfect.
3. There is no single way to have or experience sex. What’s right is what works for both of you.
4. Repeat: “You don’t know everything.” The wedding and honeymoon is not the end, it is the start of your life.
5. Forget the picture-perfect wedding night and opt for being the best version of yourself.
6. Don’t expect to have sex multiple times a day and daily. Keep it balanced.

Communication:

7. Communicate expectations and concerns. Forget the fantasies. Sex isn’t like in the movies. Real sex, although enjoyable, is well…realistic. Talk, play, and joke around. The more relaxed you are, the better.
8. Share the mental scripts that are going on in your head. The more you trust and the more you share your vulnerabilities the more intimacy you will build. This does not mean you have to confess your whole past life.
9. Recount the day. Laugh at the funny things that happened.

Comfort & Relaxation:

10. Keep your next day free. Any time you have a time pressure you are not going to enjoy it.
11. Share your anticipation, your passion. Small gestures count a lot.
12. If you’re tired or just too anxious it is okay not to have sex on your wedding night.
13. Confidence will come through practice, attitude, and how you prepare including your dress. Make it as sexy or romantic as you are comfortable with.
14. Remember you have the freedom not to have sex on your wedding night. If you waited so long one more night won’t make a difference.
15. Inner fears run from “will it hurt?” to “will I perform?” to “will he or she find me attractive?” These are not easy to answer, but if you lower the bar of expectations and communicate, that will ease the way. Think about it, billions of people have been getting married and having sex over centuries. You, too, will figure it out.
16. Embrace the excitement. Give love, get love.
17. Take deep breaths. It is one of the keys to relaxation.
18. Both of you can undress in different spaces, what ever makes the two of you feel comfortable.
19. Handle the awkward moments with grace. You can make fun of yourself (but not your spouse).
20. If you can, spend the first night at home before you head to the honeymoon.

Accessories & Ambiance:

21. Give a surprise gift. Make the night memorable. It could be flowers, a poem you wrote, chocolates, the list goes on.
22. Use accessories like lingerie that work for both of you. Keep it sexy and classy.
23. Don’t use the Kama Sutra or other guides to set your expectations. Keep it simple and don’t try anything you’re not comfortable with yet.
24. Prepare the room. Use candles, flowers, incense and other decorations to create an ambiance that makes the two of you feel comfortable.
25. If you have a choice firmer beds are better for sex (and the back) than softer ones.
26. Change the lighting. Soft low lighting is better than a lit up room.

Diet/Hygiene:

27. Avoid eating at least 3-4 hours before having sex. Also avoid foods with strong odors as well as hard-to-digest foods.
28. Urinate and relieve yourself before (and after). Don’t let wanting to go to the bathroom and emptying your bladder get in the way of sex.
29. Take a shower before and after sex.
30. Keep a towel nearby.

Foreplay:

31. Start with kisses and sweet words before you get to the next level.
32. A man’s arousal happens quickly, but to be fair to your wife, you need to allow her time to warm up.
33. You may enjoy it. It is like learning to first ride a bike. You will have a few stumbles, but once you get the hang of it – you’ll enjoy it. Enjoy the foreplay as much as you can. The actual act may only take a few seconds.

The Main Act:

34. For the honeymoon and first night it is best if both bride and groom bring along, over-the-counter contraceptives like condoms (you can get variety packs eg from Durex).  These do not have to be used, of course, but it’s better to have them, until you have time to discuss when you want to start a family.
35. Treat sex as a journey of exploration rather than just a mechanical action.
36. Natural and external lubrication is important. Be patient and give the bride some time before penetration.
37. Forget about orgasms. Just focus on enjoying each other.
38. For men, premature ejaculation, the first few times may happen. With patience and practice it shouldn’t happen as often.
39. For women, the hymen may or may not bleed during intercourse. Bleeding is not a sign of virginity. Gentleness, patience and a loving attitude are key to helping reduce pain.
40.It may or may not hurt. As with any muscles you have not used before, you may be sore afterwards. Be gentle, sex is not a sprint. It is a mutual exercise.
41. After sex, don’t go to sleep right away, but make the after-glow last. Feed your spouse’s ego by telling them how great it was and how they look.

Learn & Grow:

42. In the morning you can ask for feedback. What worked, what could be better, how they feel, how was it different than expectations, etc.
43. Make small adjustments along your journey of discovery.
44. Learn to explore each other’s bodies. There is always room to change it up.

We hope you found these tips about the wedding night helpful. If you have any additional comments feel free to email us, or leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts!

Oh and don’t forget to turn off your cell phone.

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