It’s important in a marriage relationship to keep things fresh. If you take each other for granted, it will eventually take a toll on your marriage. Instead, create the mood and feeling of desire just like before you were married. Keep the sparks going and the flame alight. Spend a few moments jotting down your greatest hits from your years together. Make a Top 10 List.
- Listen, Touch, Talk. Ask a question you may be curious about that shows interest in your spouse. It could be about growing up, or a fantasy, or a highlight of your marriage, e.g. places you made love. Find an opportunity, daily, to touch your spouse (outside the bedroom). It could be a pat, a hug, holding hands, a snuggle, a kiss. It is important for your spouse to feel desired.
Talk sounds obvious, but make it above the mundane bills and kids. Learn some clean-dirty jokes. Avoid jokes that are morally wrong. Humor should not be repulsive, but something that is a nice way turns your spouse on. You can also adapt the jokes to see what will work for your spouse. Keep your flirt on with this new tradition: tell your spouse you love them before going to bed.
- Gifts, Clothes, Gestures. Giving a gift doesn’t always mean flowers. It could be any thoughtful action that your spouse may appreciate. Dress up for each other. Figure out what turns on your spouse and turn up the heat. Gestures like gifts can be small. It could be a loving Post-It note on the bathroom window, fridge, or on the dashboard of the car. Of course, it can be hi-tech: a tweet or a post on Facebook but the more personal the better.
- Try Doing the Unexpected. Put on your spouse’s favorite song on your smartphone and dance. Kiss at the stoplights have a secret code (or two or three) to refer to sex, e.g. “Isn’t it the season…” Grab a DVD or bookmark something on Netflix that you can watch at home and throw some popcorn in the microwave, watch something romantic, or a comedy.
- Flirt in public. Go window shopping. Flirt anywhere there is a danger of you getting caught (but don’t do anything illegal). Play footsie under the table while you’re eating. Flash an occasional wink.
- Do Something Fun and Naughty. It could be learning a new dance just for the two of you, or play a “game” in the privacy of your home. Message in a bottle: write a mysterious and flirtatious note to your spouse to keep your spark alive. Kiss your spouse upside down, have a pillow fight, a water fight. Remember, of course, the more creative and thoughtful, the better.