Sadly extra-marital affairs are one of the top reasons why marriages end in divorce. With little awareness and self-restraint, here are some things you can do to affair-proof your marriage.
- Never be alone with a member of the opposite sex. In the Islamic tradition, there is a narration of the Prophet (PBUH) which states that if two unrelated people are alone then the devil is the third in their company.
- Know and keep your boundaries. Dr. Shirley Glass an expert on infidelity uses a great analogy. That is every healthy marriage is made up of windows and doors. Windows are public and what you reveal about yourself to the world. Walls are what is private and what is kept secret and safe between you and your spouse.Once you start revealing problems of private issues between you and your spouse, the windows and doors change places and the foundations of your house and marriage become unstable. Innocent conversation goes down a slippery slope to infidelity.
- Don’t flirt or fantasize about another person. Your goal in life is to be the most attractive person for your spouse and for your spouse to be the most attractive person for you. This is in all aspects, physical, emotional, spiritual. Flirting starts off innocently, eye contact, a smile, a touch, so be warned. This applies both in the physical world as well as online. Funnel all your sexual energy towards your spouse.
- Invest in your spouse. Do ordinary things in extraordinary ways. Take regular walks but make them interesting by sharing jokes, nice collective memories, dreams, or just talking, anything which is non-routine. Share common interests. You are unlikely to have all the same hobbies and likes/dislikes, but find the common ones and make it a point to spend quality time doing them.
- Don’t be boring, keep it fresh. Once married couples become accustomed to each other, they start to take many things for granted. We fall into routines and routines become boring. That is a danger sign. That is one of many reasons why people get hooked into an affair. Make the adventure with your spouse and keep reinventing your marriage.
- Flirt, date and have regular sex with your spouse. You should always feel you have to earn your spouse and display your love and commitment by flirting, dating and having regular sex. Flirting can be anything from text messages to playing footsie (yes, it can be that simple). Dates do not have to be expensive, it could be a trip to Costco or to a favorite restaurant. Sex, is a whole another subject. The most essential comment we can make about it is, we live busy lives and this too must be prioritized.
- Be committed to your Marriage and know that God is witness to our intentions and actions. In all faith-based and civil traditions, marriage is a commitment that should never be severed unless it is a last resort. Knowing that God is witness to our intentions and actions is a good check in life to make sure we are not crossing any forbidden boundaries.
Only marriage based on the fundamentals of honesty, trust, forgiveness, kindness, mercy respect, acceptance and other related virtues will be successful. We hope these tips help you affair proof your marriage!